Chupacabra – Best Monster Ever!!!!!

Somewhere south of the Mexican-American border an evil lurks in the shadows of la noche.  A beast so cunning, so bloodthirsty, so merciless in its total and utter disregard for human life that it was given a name that would always and forever strike fear in the hearts of chicos locos from Chivas to Guadalajara.  [...]

www.google.com – A Memoir

Why write about the world’s most prolific search engine?  Why write about the multi-billion dollar nano-techno industry leading website in the known universe?  Why?!?  Why you ask??? Because I can.
I use www.google.com a lot.  I use it often.  I use it on a daily basis.  I use it more than my toothbrush, or soap, or [...]

Furless Bears Attack!!!

As if being attacked by a bear, nature’s overweight, sharp-clawed death beast of the forest, wasn’t bad enough.  Imagine being attacked by one with no fur.
That’s right!  Bears, long thought to follow a strict moral code that consisted of eating lean meats, resting for months at a time, never traveling to Vegas without loved ones in [...]

2012 – The End of the Calendar!!!!

The world is always supposed to end.  Mankind writes stories, stories have endings.  Thus the story of mankind must have an end, right?
And so the newest disaster simply foaming at the mouth to show up on the scene and kick the crap out of humanity is none other than a year, 2012.
That’s right friends, no [...]

Obama School Speech

President Barack Obama is planning to give a motivational speech to students across the nation next week.  His speech is aimed at encouraging students to set goals for themselves, to take their education seriously, to aim high and strive to achieve great things.
But many students will never hear his words.
Many schools will never air his [...]

Best Jobs in the US

Many people work.  Many of those people hate their jobs.
Many humans dread the soul-sucking drudgery that is the very means to their existence.  The lifeblood to their addiction to hooch, snuff, twinkies, diet Coke, and all the rest.
Man was not born to work.  He was born to rule, or at least to believe that the [...]

The Jersey Devil – World’s Worst Monster

History, or perhaps man, has produced monsters since the dawn of time.
The Hydra
The Werewolf
Dracula
The Loch Ness Monster
Bigfoot
Creatures of such mythic lore, that to actually debate their  existence is as trivial as questioning the rights of Southern Malaysian pygmies to eat the magic eggs of the largest meerkat in the village.
These creatures exist.  And they rock.  And [...]

Cash for Clunkers Extended

In a secret press release by the man assumed to be our president, Barack Obama, it was announced Monday that Cash for Clunkers will continue, forever.
“Simply put, cars die,” the president said, “and it’s our duty as Americans to make sure that before something dies, even if it’s supposed to die, we put a ridiculously absurd [...]

District 9 Spoiler

There are countless movies where hulking, monstrous, acid-dripping aliens that can rip your face off and take a hundred rounds to the torso without even flinching get their comeuppance from scrawny, one-liner spewing humans.  This is not one of them. 
I don’t know quite how to pigeonhole District 9.  Think Blade Runner, Empire Strikes Back, Aliens, Predator, [...]

Funny People, a Sad Tale

I’m sure it has been said a thousand times.  In a thousand reviews.  But it has to be said again.  Funny People is not funny.  It is sad.  Sad not in an emotional, but in a “are they even trying” way.
Was Funny People meant to be funny?  Is the name in and of itself a purposeful misnomer?  [...]