$100 Million Dollar Homes – Plan for it Now!

If I owned a home, a super-luxury home, it would be sweet.
The Drudge Report recently highlighted a new market trend of homes that are selling for more than $100 million dollars.  I read this and guffawed.  I read this and wondered, if my home is worth maybe $100,000 dollars, what could I add with appromately [...]

Squirrels + Crack = Transportation

Centuries ago, two men traipsed through a wood filled with creatures the likes of which their eyes had never seen.  Creatures great and small, winged and fanged, creatures of all shapes and sizes.  But one beast shone above all others, flaunting its prowess as king of the leaf bearing tree.  Their conversation upon gazing at [...]

Chewbacca – Boozehound ’til the Bitter End

Chewbacca died yesterday. He died in a gutter with a Jack and coke in one hand and his trusty blaster crossbow gripped firmly in the other. And as sulphuric gutter sludge singed his already graying hairs, a band of soulless jawas ambled by and robbed him for all he was worth. A sad, yet fitting [...]

I want to Slap-Box a Big Mac

Yeah, that’s right, I want to fight a slab of beef. I want to poke it in the bun, smack the lettuce off it’s savory fried center, and rip its secret sauce out with my bare hands.
I’ll spell it out for you, I want to fight a hamburger.
And I wanna whup its tail!
To slap box [...]

Hogzilla: a Deeper Truth

Dinosaurs are big lizards that existed millions of years ago.
Godzilla is a big, radioactive, cinema creature that exists in moving pictures.
Hogzilla was a giant wild hog that roamed the forests of Georgia.
God killed the dinosaurs ( somehow).
Better special effects killed Godzilla.
A redneck shot and killed Hogzilla.
Rednecks are people who dwell in unpopulated areas such as [...]

TV – Sadly Impotent Nemesis?

There is a tv in my home.
That tv gets around 27 channels.
Of the 27 channels, none offer me anything that even faintly resembles what could be described as my viewing pleasure.
A tv is roughly a box.
A cardboard box is roughly (though slightly moreso in a literal sense) a box.
If you put a monkey in a [...]