Indiana Jones 4 = Indy 5 – The Drawn out Nap

Indy is back.  Or he was, a few weeks ago.
Yes, there traipsing across the screen was perhaps the most legendary Lucas/Spielberg creation to ever actually exist. Indiana Jones.  The whip wielding white guy who finds stuff that God tries to hide, then to some degree figures out its secrets, then manages to barely stave off [...]

The Hulk – He’s Kinda Big…

Green things are big.
And they can kill.
Dinosaurs taught me this.
Godzilla made it cooler.
Yoda added depth to the fact.
And that cheap slime stuff you can buy that feels like snot but really isn’t, made it all real to me.
I watch a lot of movies, too many in fact.   But it’s ok because I learn things.  I [...]

AVP Reqiuem – The Lie!

AVP Requiem – The Lie!
 
I saw Aliens.
I saw Predator 2.
I played the game.
I saw Alien Resurrection, kind of.
I remember Arnold’s hair was red in that first Predator movie.
And that the Predator only hunted people who were armed.
I know face huggers take days to gestate inside a person.
And that a machine gun can take down an [...]

The Perfect Film – Step Three – Making Dough

I have never made a movie, but I have made a buck.  And as the soft green smoothness of that George Washington crumpled and creased in my greedy fingers, I knew that money was a thing of beauty and paper was my friend. 
Movies cost money.  You have to pay for film crews, equipment, sets, actors, [...]

The Perfect Film – Step Two – Making Things Dumb

Every day I experience something I can only equate as a dumbening.  Today is one of those days.  Making the perfect film, Step 2 , simple = Tell old ideas in a new way.
Example – Dracula – give vampires rubber teeth and humans steel skin
There is an age old adage that every story has already [...]

Chewbacca – Boozehound ’til the Bitter End

Chewbacca died yesterday. He died in a gutter with a Jack and coke in one hand and his trusty blaster crossbow gripped firmly in the other. And as sulphuric gutter sludge singed his already graying hairs, a band of soulless jawas ambled by and robbed him for all he was worth. A sad, yet fitting [...]

The Perfect Film – In Three Easy Steps

The perfect film has never been made. The one film that for all time will stand above every other on a plane so unattainable that critics will be capable only of gawking helplessly at its splendor, pawing like lame dogs for a crumb at the rich man’s table, unable to criticize the very pearl they [...]

George Lucas Donation Conjures Past Rant

George Lucas recently donated $175 million dollars to the USC school of film, which will ultimately be used to remake (not really) his sad attempt at a second trilogy.  The article hearkened me back to a simpler time, when I dreamed of Ewoks doing battle with giant ape death beasts, and penned this story.  Click [...]

Mystery # 149845 – Was He-Man Faking it?

 
I am a man.
As a man, things interest me.
Mysteries are things that interest me that I don’t understand.
A mystery, by definition, is some phenomenon whose origin is unknown.
He-Man is a mystery.
 
Many mysteries of the world will never be solved, like: UFOs, who killed Kennedy, what happened to the civilization on Easter Island, the fate of [...]

A Homecoming of Sorts…

Since the dawn of time, man has yearned to destroy the sun.
-Montgomery Burns-
I gave this up bc I never wanted to type anything serious, but then the Simpsons never said anything serious, ever, really, and yet I believe it says more than any pop-culture produced phenomena that I have ever devoted countless worship hours.
Man never [...]