A Roach or a Spider

There can be only one…
A sole thought plagues me most nights.  A thought I dare not think.  An inhuman thought.  A thought that deals with bugs.  The question of which creature, loathsome and horrific though it may be, would have the greatest chance of surving a direct nuclear attack.  Which guts filled, splat monkey would ultimately [...]

Should Pandas be Allowed on UN Council

Kofi Annan
The US
A chicken named Dirk from Iowa
Recyled Beans
All of the following items have at once, or will at some point in the near future, be crucial members of the world governing body known only to the common man as the United Nations.  This conglomerate of mega self-absorbed super nations like the US, juxtaposed with [...]

Squirrels + Crack = Transportation

Centuries ago, two men traipsed through a wood filled with creatures the likes of which their eyes had never seen.  Creatures great and small, winged and fanged, creatures of all shapes and sizes.  But one beast shone above all others, flaunting its prowess as king of the leaf bearing tree.  Their conversation upon gazing at [...]

Chewbacca – Boozehound ’til the Bitter End

Chewbacca died yesterday. He died in a gutter with a Jack and coke in one hand and his trusty blaster crossbow gripped firmly in the other. And as sulphuric gutter sludge singed his already graying hairs, a band of soulless jawas ambled by and robbed him for all he was worth. A sad, yet fitting [...]

Godzilla – The Death Conundrum

Being a nucleo-firebreathing radioactive tyranno death lizard must be hard.  Fulfulling your duties and enjoying worldwide attention as society leveler numero uno is no piece of cake.  I mean daily destruction takes it toll, even on the destroyer.  Don’t believe me? Ask Hitler, ask Bob the alpha Yeti of upper North Dakota, or Tin-Tun the [...]

The Animal Game

Picture the following scene.  Picture it well.  Something is wrong, but something is also right, so right in deed, you may not even catch it…
“You’ve got one more guess,” mom says as she caroms around a gentle bend.
“Ooh, is it a baboon?” little Timmy asks .
“Close,” she replies, “but wrong!”
“Awwww, what was it?” he begs.
“You [...]

Mystery # 149845 – Was He-Man Faking it?

 
I am a man.
As a man, things interest me.
Mysteries are things that interest me that I don’t understand.
A mystery, by definition, is some phenomenon whose origin is unknown.
He-Man is a mystery.
 
Many mysteries of the world will never be solved, like: UFOs, who killed Kennedy, what happened to the civilization on Easter Island, the fate of [...]

A Wombat in Every Home

I want a pet. I want a pet that rocks. There I said it. I went there. Pets that suck, I say no, none for you. Domesticated pets, H*ll no. A cat, a dog, a bird, a fish, a lizard. Come on. I might as well by sea monkeys, pretend they’re not a gaggle of [...]

Monsters = Cool

I dare say I like monsters. But I know this is not the case. Monsters scare me, and as a child I crept beneath the covers many a night, tucking the cold sheet close around my neck, garlic and wooden stake clutched feverishly in my hand, and prayed for the dawn to come swiftly. But [...]

The Rangor Gets His Due

Star Wars is a farcical collection of films in which individuals possess far more powers and intellect than the mere mortals we are surrounded with in our present jaunt on the planet earth. And in these films it is always the most unsuspecting of characters that eventually end up trumping some supreme evil in an [...]