In a blatant show of disrespect for every nation out there that could completely annihilate them, Iran launch 9 tactical warheads today. No matter that each warhead could barely cover the 753 yards needed to cross the Israeli border, or the fact that 3 of the warheads actually “looked scared” upon soaring higher than 1,000 feet, and one actually turned around, flew back into Iran, wedged itself between a rocky outcropping and sobbed openly for its mother. The threat to Israel is all too real, and the time for international diplomacy has been kicked over and had a car bomb shoved up its arse.
US military officials commented on the show of force by stating that if Iran didn’t “settle down” they would be left with no other choice but to send five or six disinterested marines over there and manhandle that pigheaded sand dune of a nation.
“If they want to pseudo-jihad us into a state of pandemonia, then we will pre-emptively jihad their persons using calculated caucasoid tactics,” stated a bewildered and disheveled George W. Bush, momentarily taking time out from a gopher hunt on his massive Texas estate. “The world will not be dominated by one country with an arsenal of weapons and a desire to use them against others in order to get their way!”
When pointed out by a member of the press that this was exactly what America has done for over 50 years, president Bush appeared stricken by severe abdominal pains and proceeded to dance his way to a nearby Port-a-Potty. After hours of making farting noises, and rocking the plastic poo heap back and forth, the press finally left him to his task.
Whether or not Iran intends to actually use the missiles against Israel remains to be determined. Some experts say these were the “retarded cousins” of another type of highly effective missile the Iranian military is in possession of, and that today’s demonstration was merely a ploy to lure rival nations into underestimating Iran’s military might.
Needless to say, the world now waits in trepidation as another unstable, irascible, Middle Eastern nation flaunts its mediocre technological ability to wage war in front of the international media. This reporter feels safe that imminent doom is not at hand, but should a strange looking camel, complete with a gun toting maniacal meerkat, foaming at the mouth from his sheer hatred of your perfectly manicured azalea bushes, suddenly show up in your yard, the Iranian invasion may not be far behind!
