Indy is back. Or he was, a few weeks ago.
Yes, there traipsing across the screen was perhaps the most legendary Lucas/Spielberg creation to ever actually exist. Indiana Jones. The whip wielding white guy who finds stuff that God tries to hide, then to some degree figures out its secrets, then manages to barely stave off annihilation from supreme forces as countless Nazis, chest thumping cave slaves of Rangoon, and now Soviet scum are obliterated from the face of the earth.
Many movies have been made about people who do things they are not supposed to do: eat raw ferrets, scale skyscrapers while judo fighting manimals, and even dudes who go out in a small boat to chase a 40 foot Great White! But there’s only one Indy. Where else can you find a guy who singlehandedly finds the cup that Jesus drank from, the personal keepsake (Ark) of God himself, a gigantic spaceship in the middle of Brazil, and who actual bests Molaram in the ancient Malaysian art of “He who stays on latter no get eaten by Croc beasts”.
Ok, Ok, I could lavish praise on the guy forever, and we all know his best scene was when he shot that scimitar wielding madman on the streets of Morocco, but Harrison Ford is old now, and after years of having drunken wookie’s roaring in your ear, fledgling jedi’s to look after, runaway trains about to crush your skull, being in Clear and Boring Danger, etc., you’d think Ford would be ready to throw in the towel, or Fedora in this case, and call it a career. But he’s not, and in a surprise interview only days ago, Ford hinted at the next Indiana Jones film already in production..
“Sure, we’ve done some amazing things, gone some amazing places with these films, and with the release of IJ4, it was great to see the cult following show up en masse, but Lucas really wants to push the envelope now. There’s always been talk in certain factions that I should have been the one to defeat Vader in the first Star Wars, and that I may have perhaps been the Emperor’s stepson twice removed. Lucas really wants to pursue this by having Indie accidentally stumble upon another spaceship, which will allow him to travel to the Dagoba system and complete the training that Yoda should have rightfully given him. We’re thinking of having a mangled Molarab, complete with pseudo-Vader costume, command a Death “Moon” where he has enslaved Ewoks in search of the orginal copy of the Chronicles of Narnia, the version where Aslan is not a lion, but butt-squirrel. Really, the possibilities are endless. Lucas has already gotten the greenlight from producers, though Steven (Spielberg) swore to the almighty Father that he would personally beat the everliving sh#t out of him if he ever tried to produce such a film…”
And there we have it, whip in hand, Ford trotted off into the Hollywood sunset, probably to fight a lion, or tame wild street bums to handle his 401K, but either way, the franchise is back and it’s safe, for now. So until then,
Dun Duh Dun Dun, Dun Duh Dun (or however the music goes)
We’ll be seeing you Indy, We’ll be seeing you!
