Traffic Lights – Clogging the Earth’s Veins

I have stared into the bright-shining eyes of the stagantly decrepit motor vehicle as its ability to careen dangerously around and amongst other metal demons of its ilk is hampered and eventually stopped.
I have flown on the wings of hellbent eagles, with naught but four tires, fake Japanese pleather, and a flimsy plasti-luminum carcass to [...]

John Elway – Man or 8-bit Deity

I am a man.
And parts of my life will suck worse than others.
And one day, I will die.
John Elway is also a man.
And parts of his life have sucked worse than others.
But John Elway will never die.
Somewhere amidst the sprawling Denver pavement of one of his many used car dealerships the ever cheapening toothy grin [...]

The Beach – La Playa or Gritty Death Hole

Like all dumb, mindless animals, children love the beach.
They love the sand and the water and the fun and the undying assault of innumerable microscopic death rays that sear the chubby pink flesh off of their still-developing bones.
Children for the most part are slow and obese dimwitted creatures that follow their mothers around like Hungarian [...]

Lad of the Rings

Sometimes I look out of windows.
And sometimes when I look out of windows it is hot.
And sometimes when the things I see are not there I make up words for them.
In the summer it is hot and I am prone to hallucinate.
And when a man creates things due to heat and the presence of window,
is [...]

Ewoks vs Kong

King Kong is a giant, merciless ape-like death beast.
Ewoks are small, merciless bear-like death beasts.
There is only one Kong.
There are approximately 8 Trillion Ewoks (7 of which are inbred, and 36 of which are actually confused and angry midgets from Iowa).
Kong met his fate on the Empire State Building.
Ewoks helped defeat the Galactic Empire.
And so [...]