The Squirrellish Armada

There are many things in this world that can be killed.
Squirrels are not one of them.
You can kill a man, and he is no more.
But kill a squirrel, and it will become more powerful than you could ever imagine.
My roommate kills squirrels.
I remember a simpler time in my surburban life, when birds chirped, their young [...]

Hogzilla: a Deeper Truth

Dinosaurs are big lizards that existed millions of years ago.
Godzilla is a big, radioactive, cinema creature that exists in moving pictures.
Hogzilla was a giant wild hog that roamed the forests of Georgia.
God killed the dinosaurs ( somehow).
Better special effects killed Godzilla.
A redneck shot and killed Hogzilla.
Rednecks are people who dwell in unpopulated areas such as [...]

Optimus is that you?

Sometimes I hear voices in my head.
This is something I don’t understand.
Sometimes I hear noises in my car.
This is also something I don’t understand.
This simple yet mindnumbingly halfwitted comparison leads me to perhaps the most perplexing question that any male between the ages of 20-35 could ever posit, is Optimus Prime real? Does a supremely [...]

Donkey Overlords Among Us

Based upon the scant amount of time I have spent postulating the following hypothesis, I find it to be convincingly and almost irrevocably true, donkeys are our masters.
At first this theory may be met with widespread scoffing by the cultured elite that posit themselves so numerously throughout our great land (by elite I refer to [...]

TV – Sadly Impotent Nemesis?

There is a tv in my home.
That tv gets around 27 channels.
Of the 27 channels, none offer me anything that even faintly resembles what could be described as my viewing pleasure.
A tv is roughly a box.
A cardboard box is roughly (though slightly moreso in a literal sense) a box.
If you put a monkey in a [...]

The Inherent Suckness of Loops

I-285 is a loop.
A loop is a form of roughly circular shape.
Circles lead nowhere.
It has recently come to my attention, via the nonsensical amount of time spent festering in a near rage state on I-285 around Atlants that loops, all loops, are inherently evil. There is a lack of sense in the creation of loop [...]

Biko

This song is a must for all who love songs that are great for no apparant reason save that they touch the deep inner recesses of the fact that you like things and that these things exist as tangible actualities.